From Reddit.
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This wasn't the first time I took in strays who got kicked out by their lovers. Ever since God and Satan fell for humans, I've been their only friend.
"If you fight over my bed and couch again, you're going to be kicked out of my apartment. As it is, the landlady does not appreciate visitors."
God and Satan froze at my warning before Satan smirked.
"For a vampire, you're rather poor. Shouldn't you be living in some historical castle full of expensive antiques?"
God silently agreed and the two enemies called it a truce for tonight. I glared at them. Even in their cat forms, these two omnipotent creatures were still annoying.
"It's not my fault I don't live there anymore. Thanks to your very valiant battle, everything went up in flames. I'm now currently a night shift worker at the convenience store and tonight is my rare day off. Why couldn't you find other days to get kicked out by your lovers?"
As it turned out, God did not want his lover to go to a club 'looking like a whore' and Satan told his boyfriend that he saw his dead uncle getting flogged in hell for lying after they had sexy times.
I sighed. Compared to me, these two individuals were hopeless.
"Look, there are so many things wrong with what the both of you did. However, you should eat something before I start another human social survival class. Mon petite gold or canned sardines?"